Well last weeks mamogram wasn't to bad I guess. Standing the whole time was the worst part and the lady who did it although quite nice, comfortable to chat with and was very easy to work with must have been 75 and 100lbs soaking wet. lol. Still haven't gotten the results though but i gotta call the dr.s office on monday anyhow cause medicaid refused to let me try chantixx yet for smoking. They say I gotta try other methods MORE RECENTLY first. Ok so 15 years ago is to long I guess. lol.
So I get to try the patch. yea. (sarcasm)
Our cable/phone/internet has been down more then it has been up this week. Which is why I haven't posted much. Also not allot is going on really.
My rant for this week. The library. On friday evening Marv was off so we though we would take advantage of the librarys SUMMER hours. Open till 9 pm durring summer months. Nope. 5:30 on friday and saturdays o.O To be exact.
Monday - Thursday, 9am to 9pm
Friday and Saturday, 9am to 5:30pm
Sunday 1 to 5pm
Again with the stupid hours. I guess since the kids aren't in school they think no one wan'ts to go to the library on the weekends.
Now its bad enough that Marv never gets the same days off each week. And rarely ever gets 2 days together. But since lately they keep giving him at least one weekend day off we aparently have to get up EARLY to go the library. forget the fact that we might have to pay bills and do tons of OTHER running because so many buisnesses have wonky hours. Lets make life even MORE difficult for those with odd hours to get books.
Ahh well guess the kids gotta do without till tuesday. I think hes off then. Or else its one of those hell days where he has to be in at 8am.
A chuckle for today:
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises
of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
now...the wax.
Read on.........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, eat
dinner, play with the dog.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for
the next few hours:
"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine
cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise.....the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot
wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together.
Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in, so I get out the hair dryer
and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.
Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north.
After checking on the dog, I sneak back into the bathroom, for
the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).
I inhale deeply and brace Myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'M BLIND!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAAAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off
half the strip. CRAP!
Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out.....
Must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing
drums???
Breathe.......breathe!!!
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE
WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I
see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.....it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake.......remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet.
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself.....
"Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop
off!"
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I
can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the
wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!!!
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used
to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment.......I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub......in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has
some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.......
"So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause.
She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now.....I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on
and.......
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the neighbors and scared the dickens
out of my friend.
It's soooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!"
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice
to my grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
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